I Scream
by dragonnova
Summary: A short story about a small Schwarz assassin that has never had a bowl of ice cream.


**I Scream**

**Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction**

**by dragonnova**

* * *

**"**Unbelievable," Schuldig said and slapped a hand over his forehead while scrunching his eyes tight. "I can't believe you, Nagi..."

Nagi, a small dark haired boy, looked up from staring at the bowl in front of him and glared at the red headed German that was now insulting him, or so he thought.

"You've never had it before? NEVER!?" Schuu still didn't believe him.

"No..." Nagi stared back at the bowl, a strange look crossing his usually placid face. He wrinkled his nose at the substance in the dish.

Schuu stared at him, then at the bowl, then back again. "It's not going to eat you, kid, YOU eat it."

"What?" Nagi tried to scoot backwards, but the wooden back of the chair kept him from spilling over and escaping.

"Eat it. You'll like it." Schuldig glared at him in determination.

Nagi swallowed and leaned over a touch just to look into the bowl. The once rounded, cloud-like, light green substance had melted over. Creating a slick slimy surface across the stuff that began to pool in the bottom of the bowl.

"No..." he sat back quickly.

"**Dumme Gans,**" Schuldig groaned.

"You just insulted me, didn't you?"

"**What**?" Schuu jerked his head back as if he'd just been slapped. "Of course not, it means, _if you don't try you'll never know."_

"Wait - doesn't _'die Gans' _mean '_the goose' _or something? I distinctly heard you say _Gans_," Nagi said, turning his head slightly and squinting at Schuldig.

"What do YOU know? You don't know German! Who's the German here?" Schuldig stood and looked around the empty kitchen and then back at Nagi. "Oh, wait - that would be _me_, wouldn't it? So DON'T TELL ME WHAT I'M SAYING, I KNOW ALREADY!"

"You called me a goose didn't you?" Nagi glowered.

"Why would I call you a goose? Hmmm? What does a goose have to do with ANYTHING?"

The smaller boy looked away defeated, "yeah, I guess."

Schuu stood silent for a moment, arms folded across his chest, "Now eat it!"

"NO!" Nagi closed his eyes and stuck his nose in the air. He didn't open them again until he heard the clank of the spoon on the bowl.

He cracked open one eye and inspected the scene. Schuldig was standing, totally strait faced with a spoon full of the dripping green substance in his hand.

"Are you going to eat this or do I have to ram it down your throat," He threatened.

"I'd like to see you try it," the boy threatened right back, unflinching.

Schuldig sighed clanking the spoon back into the bowl. "What do I have to do to convince you?"

Nagi stared at him, not saying a word, yet the idea got through anyway.

"Fine, you want me to taste it? You think I'm trying to poison you? Sheesh..." The exasperated assassin grabbed the spoon and shoved it in his own mouth, spreading his arms out and bowing like he'd just finished an epic soliloquy. He pulled the spoon out of his mouth, "You happy now? It's fine, it's the best flavor; you'll love it if you try it, Kid! Live a little, will ya?"

Nagi sat quietly contemplating the 'performance'. He watched as Schuldig started to place the spoon back in the bowl, "New spoon."

Schuu stopped, tossing the spoon across the room and making it perfectly and loudly into the sink a few feet away. "Oh excuse me, **Mr. Monk**."

"What? I don't know where you've been," Nagi said.

Schuldig returned the glower that had been placed upon him the whole time. "Har har. We're so funny." He then pulled a new spoon out of the drawer under the counter they were at.

"Now are you gonna try this or do I have to get ugly?"

Nagi leaned forward again, looking into the bowl. It was even more melted and runny looking. He held back as his stomach lurched a little. "What are those?"

"What?" Schuu looked into the bowl.

"Those, there." Nagi pointed at the small brown flecks in the light green oozy stuff.

"Wha-" Schuldig looked up at him in disbelief again, "They're chocolate chips, for crying out loud! You HAVE had chocolate right?"

"No..."

Schuldig looked like someone had just punched him in the gut. "WHY NOT!?"

"Crawford said I shouldn't have chocolate; he said it has a bad effect on people like me."

"Yeah, well Brady's just being a crab because he has a permanent wedgie going on, don't listen to him. And eat this - you need it, you deprived soul."

Nagi scooted the chair closer to the counter top, staring cautiously into the bowl. He hesitantly fingered the spoon and finally gripped it loosely, poking at the gooey substance. He leaned forward and sniffed at the bowl, it had the slightest mint smell to it, but it was very faint. He finally scooped just a fraction of it onto the edge of the spoon, examining it closely before he finally slipped it into his mouth. His eyes widened suddenly in surprise.

"It's cold, and," He quickly took another spoonful, "creamy. Like milk."

"Well, no huh, Genius. That's why it's called ice cream." Schuldig chuckled as he leaned on the counter, watching Nagi transform from hesitant pessimist to hoover vacuum.

"See I told you, I knew you'd like it! You just have to trust me," Schuu sighed.

"You mean like the time you told me I should go ahead and wash your red bandana with Crawford's dress shirts and underwear," Nagi said with a snort.

"**LA VIE EN ROSE, **BABY! MWA HA HA..." Schuldig laughed as he did a freaky little victory dance. "He didn't _see_ that one coming," he added with a wicked grin.

"Next time leave me OUT of your stupid little pranks," Nagi said as he licked the spoon.

"There's more in the freezer; help yourself, Squirt. The one you just had is mint chip there's also rocky road and coffee almond fudge." Schuldig waved as he left the boy to his frozen bliss.

_Some time later..._

Brad Crawford stood before the crumbling, burning, flooded, and literally torn building before him. The flames of chaos and destruction flashed in his lens as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. There was not even the slightest hint of a sadistic smile at the destruction before him. He turned slowly, glancing at a stunned German.

"And you gave him ice cream..." the words were as icy as the treat Schuu had given the kid.

"I uh, **Ja,** but I didn't know he'd eat every carton in the freezer and then go sugar psycho and level the place!"

"And what do you have to say for yourself now - after I told you NOT to give HIM sugar of ANY kind." Brad glowered at Schuldig above the rim of his glasses. (Schuu gets glared and glowered at quite a bit.)

Schuldig shrugged, "Eh, live and learn..."

_**END**_

* * *

**Thanks to my friend for finding this German saying...**

Dumme Gans - stupid goose (thanks to one of my best friends for telling me this one...)

**Ja-**Yes

**La Vie En Rose**- French means "life in pink" sort of like... "seeing things with rose colored lens" or "the good life" or "Life is Sweet"... but of course Schuu meant that Brad had to live life in pink for a while... literally.

**Tv Show Notes**:

_Schuu stopped, tossing the spoon across the room and making it perfectly and loudly into the sink a few feet away. "Oh excuse me, _**Mr. Monk**_..."_

For those who don't know about it there's a tv show that I love called "Monk" Tony Shalhoub plays a detective type character that has OCD or OCB (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder/Behavior). In the show he can't stand germs, has to disinfect every time he even shakes someone's hand.

So here, when Nagi wouldn't eat after Schuldig he was poked at for it by being called Mr. Monk. Hey, for some reason I can see Schuu watching silly/cute detective stuff for some reason. I don't know why...


End file.
